Friday, February 23, 2018

The Starfish NOW WITH SARCASTIC COMMENTARY! //Blogoversary Week

SO! A surprise you for!  Also so you'll stop asking about it. 
If you want it WITHOUT sarcastic commentary (though I don't know why) you can find the story in the bar at the top under the tab labeled "The Starfish"




The Starfish 

by the Brothers Grimm





There was a princess once who knew nearly everything. If a leaf stirred in the forest, if a tiny fish cast one of its scale, if a feather fell from the wing of a bird-she knew of it. (Which sounds exhausting.) The secret of her knowledge lay in the topmost turret of her castle. There was a room there with twelve windows, each one clearer then the last, so from the twelfth window she could see every detail of the whole wide world.(Which sounds overwhelming)

In consequence she thought herself wise, and made up her mind that she would not marry anyone who was not as wise as she. (Sounds fair) She set her suitors to a test. Each was told to hide himself where she could not find him. If he succeeded he should have her hand; if he failed he must lose his head.

So far no one had succeeded, while ninety-seven heads had paid the penalty for their owners’ rashness. (I like that line.) Suitors were growing scarce, (I bet. Quit killing all the guys, princess.) when one day three brothers appeared and made a formal request for her hand. The eldest was given the first chance to hide. He lowered himself into a deep pit, thinking that there at least he would be safe from his lady’s eye. But no!-The princess saw him and his fate was sealed. The second brother was more cunning; he hid himself in the lowest cellar of the royal castle, but he too was found and had his head chopped off. (As you do)

The turn of the youngest came. He asked for a day to think things over, and then for three chances, so that if he failed once and twice he might still hope to succeed at the third attempt. Because he was young and very handsome the princess agreed. (#youngest #rulesdon'tapply)

The next day he went out hunting. A black raven flew across his path and he raised his bow. “Don’t shoot!” croaked the raven. “I may yet be able to help you!”
 The young man good-naturedly let him go. By and by he came to a lake and a fish jumped up. He made as though to catch it, but – “Spare me!” the fish cried. “I may yet be able to help you!” So he spared the fish also.

Before long he met with a fox, limping along with a thorn in its foot. He shot and missed. “Never mind,” said the fox. “It will be more to your credit if you help me take this thorn out of my foot.” (Notice the fox didn't say he would help...) And so the young man again complied.

The next day he was to hide himself. He did not in the least know where to go, so he turned his steps to the forest and asked the raven’s advice.
“One good turn deserves another,” the raven said. He took an egg from his nest, shut the youth inside and replaced it in the nest. (Because that makes sense)

The princess looked through her window. One, two, three-not until she reached the eleventh window did she see him. She sent someone to fetch the egg from the raven’s nest, and when it was broken-there was the suitor, very much abashed. (I hope the other eggs are ok)
 “You have failed once,” the princess said, “but you are forgiven. Tomorrow you may try again.”
When the next day dawned the young man was even more perplexed. He went to the lakeside and called on the fish to help him.
“There is one chance,” said the fish; “I can swallow you and sink to the bottom of the lake.”
The princess looked from her windows in turn. Only when she came to the twelfth did she find trace of him. Then she sent a fisherman and bring it to the castle. When it was opened-there was the suitor, quite covered in confusion! (RIP Nice Fish)
“You have failed again,” she said, gravely. “If you fail a third time you must die!”(You don't have to tell me twice, Lady. I know. I know.)

The nest day the youth sought his only other friend, the fox.
“You are so cunning,” he said. “You know the holes in the earth and the crannies in the rock. Surely you will be able to hide me!”
The fox thought long and earnest.
“I believe I know what to do,” he said at last. “Come with me.”

Together they made their way to a bubbling spring. The fox dipped himself in it and came out as a respectable merchant. The he dipped the young man in, and he immerged as a starfish. The merchant put the starfish in his pocket and took him to market.(I bet the fox does this all the time to go get sweet buns or something.)

Now it chanced that the princess was also at the market that morning. When she saw the dainty creature she wanted to buy it and willingly paid the price the merchant asked. Before he gave it to her he managed to whisper in its ear, “When the princess goes to the turret, hide in her hair!”

And that, a little later, is just what the starfish did! It crept beneath the thick braids of her yellow hair, and as she did not have eyes on the back of her head she ran from window to window with never a glimpse of her suitor. And when she had looked in vain from the twelfth window she banged it down so hard that every window in the turret was shattered to atoms! (Dramatic much? Also super strong...) The starfish was quite frightened, (I'll bet) but the princess, feeling it among her tresses, shook it down and bade it begone.

The little creature ran and ran (on its tiny starfish legs...down the stairs, through the dusty streets, etc) until it came to the marketplace,  and there the merchant found it again. His task over, he carried it as once to the magic spring, Having dipped themselves, the two resumed their proper shapes, the fox to receive a grateful thanks of his friend, and the suitor to find his way to the castle, where the princess was waiting to marry him.

With all her windows broken, she was no wiser then anyone else, but at least she was wise enough to know she had met her match. And as her husband never told her how he had outwitted her, she gave him her complete respect (Mate, she probably still would have respected you if you'd told  her.) and a share of her kingdom, and lived with him happily to the end of her life.

19 comments:

  1. Wow. I really liked that. The commentary was GOLDEN! It's an interesting story and I can't wait to see how your retelling turns out. :D

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    1. I'm glad you liked it. I was just going to leave it as it was, but the snark...it wouldn't keep back :P

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  2. Wow....I think I would have died of laughter even without your comments. Old fairy tales, maxi oy, they are the FUNNIEST. Like, how does half of this even happen???

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    1. I love reading old fairy tales too. They can just be so random sometimes!

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  3. *in dramatic voice* "leave my presence starfish, my patient with you has run out"....... i just bought you cause you were cute, but now your just getting in my hair....sigh

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    1. That's right. Scram. Just run free in my castle. I'm sure somebody will sweep you up eventually.

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  4. I wasn't expecting the princess to be so violent. lol That image that came to my mind with the starfish commentary was hilarious!! Your retelling is going to be awesome, especially with the interesting story you chose to do so with.

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    1. Not only is so so violent, but she doesn't really have any reason to be. And she makes rules and then changes them because "Oh. This ones cute."

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    2. I know, right? It's for her own disgusting "enjoyment". Even if I was one of the men who tried to win her hand, I wouldn't even want to marry her after that. I'd be afraid she'd try to kill me in my sleep..for "fun". lol

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    3. Though if I thought I was better then everyone in the world and didn't want to marry a guy that wasn't smarter then me, I would probably say the penalty for failure is death...just to keep some of the guys away.

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  5. This is one of their weirdest Brothers Grimm stories I've read. LOL. I love it!

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    1. Are any of their stories NOT weird?

      It doesn't even say she lives by the ocean. And who wouldn't notice a STARFISH IN THEIR HAIR?

      She must have a lot of hair.

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    2. Lol. I don't think so... XD

      She must have hair like mine. UGH THERE'S JUST SO MUCH!

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  6. #yougest #rulesdon'tapply.....YAS. That is so true.....

    Your sarcastic commentary is GOLDEN, girl!!! I imagined it so much better with it, LOL. I can see why you like this story :)

    Catherine
    catherinesrebellingmuse.blogspot.com

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  7. This was hilarious, the sarcastic commentary made it that much better!

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  8. I'VE READ A VERSION OF THIS STORY!!! Except that the guy goes in an hot airballoon.....

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    1. WHAT? THERE IS ANOTHER VERSION OF THE STARFISH? THERE'S A STARFISH REWRITE? DO TELL! WHAT IS IT CALLED???

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