Thursday, April 12, 2018

WWYK-Wilderness Survival!

This week on "MK is a violent person and would probably outlive everyone in the zombie Apocalypse...." 

  • So, if you're ever stranded on a deserted island, car broke down in the middle of nowhere or your mum left for the entire week...there are three things you need to survive. Food, Water, Shelter.
  • Shelter
    Shelter is actually your first priority. Find water in the morning. Find food later. Right now you just need to keep yourself from dying from exposure. Depending on where you are, finding/building a shelter can have different priorities. In some situations, you want to block out the wind. (Actually, that would be MOST situations...) Or avoid animals stepping on you. Or being eaten alive by mosquito. Or having zombies find you and eat you. Or tributes.

     
  • You need to figure out where in the world your character is and google it. GOOGLE IS YOUR FRIEND. Just search "Desert survival." "Island survival."
     
  • For the most part, if you just look for generic wilderness survival advice, you're going to get a lot of two things: North American woods and Emergency Situations (Like a downed plan, etc.)
     
  • WATER! We like water! We need water! IF YOU GO WITHOUT WATER FOR THREE DAYS, YOU WILL DIE.  
  •  Where to find water? An excellent question. The best way would be to find a clear running stream. DO NOT DRINK OUT OF PONDS OR STANDING/STAGNANT WATER. How do you know the water is stagnant? Are there cattails and random weeds growing on the side? ON TOP OF IT? DOES IT LOOK GROSS AND GREEN AND IS FILLED WITH MOSS?
    ..
    ..
    ..
    ..
    ..
    ..
    THEN DON'T DRINK IT! YOU WILL (possibly) DIE.
     
  •  If you're going to be out there long term, you may want to stay near that water. Or build a well?

     
  • BUT IF YOU'RE HIDING FROM PEOPLE, AVOID STAYING BY THE CREEK! Fill your little canteens and hike far FAR FAR away! You can come back later.
     
  • Your characters survival goals are different based on what they're trying to do.
    Survive until someone comes and rescues them? (I mean, the government is going to notice if your cruise ship or airline goes missing.)
    HIDE from "the bad dudes" in the woods?
    Not get eaten by zombies in the city?
     
  • Food! We all love food! And everyone goes crazy with this one. WE MUST GATHER THIS POSSIBLY TOXIC PLANT (if the season is right) and go through all these long hard and very annoying steps to get SALAD! Mate...look at your feet. There are 3 super conman plants and you can eat them. Plantains, Dandelions, and Clover. I would suggest not eating grass since the blades can be rather choppy...
     
  • But salad will only get you so far in life. (I mean, if you eat it with fruit and walnuts and a lovely dressing...maybe. But just straight weeds? I don't think so.)
    YOU NEED PROTEIN! This is where the nuts and things come in handy!
     
  • And by things I mean meat. THE MEATS. It takes A LOT of work to survive in the wild! I don't think a vegan would survive easily. (But then again don't quote me on it...)
     
  • If you have a vegan or vegetarian survivalist...you should probably do a lot of research and they should have already been living off the grid for awhile. And probably have some cultivated crops?
    (If you do, you should make them totally smug when the world falls to chaos and they're sitting there with their wild blackberry leaf sweet tea)

     
  • And berries! Lot of berries. (DON'T EAT ANYTHING RED!) Basic berry advice to new comers...do you know what a raspberry looks like? A blackberry? Well, if you see those and you smell it and it smells like a blackberry (raspberry,) you can probably eat it.
     
  • PLEASE DO NOT GO OUT AND TRY TO SURVIVE OFF THIS LIMITED INFORMATION I AM GIVING YOU! YOU WILL DIE
     
  • Don't eat mushrooms. Its not worth the risk mate.
     
  • ESPECIALLY DO NOT EAT THOSE "CLASSIC MUSHROOMS." You know, the red ones with the white spots? They are super poisonous. Some of the most poisonous mushrooms out there. YOU WILL DIE!
     
  • Wilderness Survival by the ocean (I'm thinking Atlantic coast) gives you lots of food to look for. For one, you have sea life getting washed ashore/living in the shallows. And you also have SEAWEED! There is some sea weed that when you take it (rise it to get rid of the salt) and the boil it...it makes gelatin! (Jello) Of course its really gross jelly since it has no sugar, no artificial flavoring and no bright green coloring...but hush
  • Basically YOU WILL DIE!

    But I won't. Lol.
    Mary Kate, over and out.


26 comments:

  1. Don't forget you can eat salt water fish raw because of the salt.

    But this is extrememly helpful. I'm bookmarking it for my post-apocolyptic series. I love your WWYK series so much! It really helps for my survivalist characters. XD

    ~Ivie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ...maybe. I personally wouldn't risk it. You can still get tapeworms, etc from fish. (Unless you're a sushi chef or something)

      Oh and speaking a raw animals. You said you wanted a description of how to skin a squirrel without having to watch a video...

      If you don't find one, I can tell you in non-gory details.

      Delete
    2. YES PLEASE! I'D RATHER NOT WATCH ANY VIDEOS.

      Delete
    3. Cool. Would you like me to email it to you or...

      Delete
  2. I love your comments on vegan survival. Hilarious! I could totally see that as a fantasy cliche bender.

    Great list! I'll have to remember these with any survival scenes that I have.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It would be interesting...vegan survival. I've never seen any articles written on it (but then again most of the things I read are by Ex-Special Forced guys or RAAAAR! MEAT! AXES! Guys, so...)

      Delete
  3. This is hilarious, there are so many ways to die in the wilderness.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So many ways.

      I should write another post "Interesting Ways To Make Your Characters Die or Almost Die In The Wilderness."

      Delete
  4. Replies
    1. Did you eat a mushroom?

      SHORT CUT TO DEATH

      Delete
  5. This is hilarious!:)
    -Quinley

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is, isn't it? I mean, if people dying of bad berries is funny.

      I'm glad you liked it. ;)

      Delete
  6. So basically what I took from this is YOU WILL DIE!!!

    Lilah

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, YOU will die.

      I'll be fine, thanks for asking. :P

      Delete
    2. Wow, you won't even help her out??

      Delete
    3. Only the strong will survive.

      Natural selection.



      Sorry Lia

      Delete
    4. I guess this is the end then...... *sniffs* Goodbye cruel world!!!

      Delete
    5. Pssh.
      The world isn't ending yet.




      Drama queen :P

      Delete
    6. oh please, you know I love to be dramatic..

      Delete
  7. Okay, so everyone except MK is going to die. But then where will you get your army of minions to praise your every deed? Just wondering.

    Brianna

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. FROM THE STRONG!

      And what makes you think I need people to praise my every deed? I just need to rule all the people. If there is only me, that certainly makes it easier. :)

      Delete
    2. Um, excuse you, but I'm going to rule over the world, remember??

      Delete
    3. We'll talk when one of us wins, 'k?

      Delete
  8. So MK will live and we will all die, but now that we know all these things won't we too survive???

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You'll probably still die from exposure :P

      Delete