Tuesday, August 29, 2017

If I Was A Published Author.....

If I was a published author (Aka why no agent should pick up my book)

  • I'd plan my book tours so I could see all my internet friends in "Real Life"
  • I would spend all my time in Barnes and Nobles with a latte and dark sunglasses (and probably a hat) and just stand in the row where my book is.
    (I'd browse through the near by books when ever somebody else walks by. Over the weeks, I'd have looked at and considered every book there. I would probably also creepily watch anyone who picked up my book. "Yeah. Yeah, it's REALLY good. You should buy it"
  • Get the first copies of my book and spend three days sitting there staring at them from across the room.
  • Would Either:

    Option 1: Give all my friends two copies of my book. One nice clean one and one with snarky comments on my own writing and random doodles (In glitter gel pen format)

    or.....

    Option 2: Force them to go out and buy their own while laughing evilly *muwahahaha*
  • After drinking Starbucks for awhile, my taste buds would revolt and I'd have to start bringing in my lattes from the coffee shop down the street which would in turn cause me to be attacked by the baristas and beaten to death with a near by novel. (Possibly a murder mystery novel, if my attacker had any sense of humor.)


    -MK

16 comments:

  1. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS SO PERFECT. XD

    Scary thing is, I would do the EXACT SAME THING if I was traditionally published! XD

    SHEESH, I DO THIS AT MY LOCAL LIBRARY THAT HAS MY BOOK. I literally perk up every time a kid is going through the Cs in the juvenile section! XD

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    1. Just calmly walk up to one of them and say "This is a good book. You'd love it."

      How did you get your book in your library? Did you have to donate it or....

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    2. Well, I've been going to that library once a week since I was six, so the librarians know me pretty well! I also started volunteering there when I was 12, so when they heard I wrote a book, they were more than happy to accept copies for the library, so I guess you could say I donated it?? XD

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  2. Ahhh I would totally do the same thing! Especially the part with buying copies of my books and just staring at them. XD I do that with books I hit, too, but. With MY BOOK. Well. I'm not sorry.

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    1. Just sit there and smell one of the books until "the new book smell" is gone and then move onto the next one.

      I'd probably make sure I was sitting pretty far across the room to save my precious books from getting ruined by the drool puddle.

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  3. This is hilarious! Yay, book tour. Hopefully you'd make a stop to Texas. :D

    If I was published, I think I would send out some copies to a few people and then probably creepily stalk book stores and libraries to watch as people grab it off the shelf. Seeing as I don't drink coffee and I don't like Starbucks, I would have to sip on a peach slushie instead. So, no ironic book beating.

    I would also probably have a meetup so I could meet all my internet peeps. :D

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    1. I am TOTALLY coming to TX. Especially if it is during the winter here. So nice and warm. I was in San Antonio for a week last march, but that is WAY to sort of a visit. TX is so pretty and I need to see more.

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    2. I'm with Ivie on Texas, I know some adorable, book loving, and totally aesthetic towns, with TONS of book dragon tourists in Texas, so hit me up in the future and I can help you!! XD

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    3. Lol, I think this year might be a colder winter finally. Past couple years was hot on Christmas!!!
      Where I'm at, because of Hurricane Harvey, it started to feel like Fall already, but not for long. :(

      Ooh, San Antonio. Did you get to see the Alamo?

      I want to know some adorable towns!! I want to live in a small town. Surrounded by farmland. Being able to walk everywhere. *goes off into dream-like state*

      I agree, Texas is very pretty. But I might be biased. XD

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    4. I did see the Alamo, but I think I liked San Jose better... The Alamo was too crowded.

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    5. Ah, the missions. That was probably awesome to see. Yeah, I'm sure the Alamo was crowded. What else did you do in San Antonio?

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    6. Not all that much. We were only there for about a week and we were visiting someone (Who had moved since, sadly and ruined any chance I have of going to Tx to visit them.)

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  4. "Give all my friends two copies of my book. One nice clean one and one with snarky comments on my own writing and random doodles (In glitter gel pen format)" That sounds like epic fun. You have inspired me! I must publish a book and do just that! ...Except I will only give my friends and family the messy one. If they want the clean one they will have to buy a fresh copy themselves.

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  5. This is awesome xD *makes notes in case I ever get published* *or, y'know, finish a manuscript*
    Jem Jones

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  6. This is hilarious! I think every writer has a list like this.

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  7. If you were a published author, everyone would buy your books because your writing is amazing!! Glitter pens! My weakness :D

    -Lia
    catholicgirlstuff.blogspot.com
    lilahsmusicals.blogspot.com

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