If I Was A Published Author.....

If I was a published author (Aka why no agent should pick up my book)

• I'd plan my book tours so I could see all my internet friends in "Real Life"
  
• I would spend all my time in Barnes and Nobles with a latte and dark sunglasses (and probably a hat) and just stand in the row where my book is.
  (I'd browse through the near by books when ever somebody else walks by. Over the weeks, I'd have looked at and considered every book there. I would probably also creepily watch anyone who picked up my book. "Yeah. Yeah, it's REALLY good. You should buy it"
  
• Get the first copies of my book and spend three days sitting there staring at them from across the room.
  
• Would Either:
  
  Option 1: Give all my friends two copies of my book. One nice clean one and one with snarky comments on my own writing and random doodles (In glitter gel pen format)
  
  or.....
  
  Option 2: Force them to go out and buy their own while laughing evilly *muwahahaha*
  
• After drinking Starbucks for awhile, my taste buds would revolt and I'd have to start bringing in my lattes from the coffee shop down the street which would in turn cause me to be attacked by the baristas and beaten to death with a near by novel. (Possibly a murder mystery novel, if my attacker had any sense of humor.)
  
  
  -MK